Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
