I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
