I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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