Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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