It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
