and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
