How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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