that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
