Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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