some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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