there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize