So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
