remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
