Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize