We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
