I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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