Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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