I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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