I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
