We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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