That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
