You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
