I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
