Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
