she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
