dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
