Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I cut my penus on the lid.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
