We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
