i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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