i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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