Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
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