My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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