gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
