Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
