My boss' voice literally gives me gas
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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