so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
