I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
