Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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