I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
