I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize