It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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