I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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