just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
