My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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