Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I deserve this hangover.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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