I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
