just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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