It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Oh god it's open bar.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
