My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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