I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
