Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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