i don't like sucking hair
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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