i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
