it wasn't lemon gatorade
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
