I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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