Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
