i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
