If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
