i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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