I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
PANTIES FOUND
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