ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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