no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
