You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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