Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
