New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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