Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
