so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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