I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
